Before I came over here I was laid off due to a $1 million budget cut. I worked for an association of attorneys doing business partnerships and vendor sponsorships. My main role was to secure sponsors and exhibitors for the conferences hosted by the association. As a matter of fact, the Mid-Year Conference is going on right now in Austin, TX. And all I can think about is how bad I want the Mid-Year Conference to fail. I have visions that all of the vendors and sponsors are miserable and frustrated. So much so, that they demand for my return. I am fully aware that if I had not been laid off I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't have the freedom to stay as long as I want. Yet, I still want them to fail.
I find it quite interesting that thousands of miles away from home I have feelings of vindication, jealousy and bitterness. I assumed all my worldly desires and insecurities would fade away while being over here. Obviously that is not true.
The truth for me right now is that I feel I have no value unless I am the best at everything. That is not God's truth. God's truth is that we are enough just by who we are, and He loves us even in our most vulnerable state.
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