I have been back home for 5 days now. Maybe we should say 4, because that first day home I was totally out of it. During the day things felt surreal and awkward. During the night I had crazy dreams and woke up confused about where I was. Laura, a volunteer from South Carolina, said the weird dreams could be caused by Malarone, my anti-malaria medicine. That may be true, but a few times in college I woke up confused about where I was and I wasn't taking Malarone. I think the cuase of my confusion back then was from too many Swirls at The Mont.
The transition has been hard and I am not really sure what I feel. I am sad to be gone, thankful for the journey, glad to be home, hopeful I will be able to go back and terrified I will forget all the precious moments.
I thought I would want to see and talk to everyone right away, but that is not the case. It seems hard to muster the energy to tell the story as it should be told, and the words don't seem to be coming out as I would like. I have tried to share a bit of the experience with mom, dad and kip, but things seem to fall short. It was different while I was there because all of the volunteers were in the same boat. They knew what I was talking about when I said "UGH! We are having Ugali again tonight!" I am also dealing with a bit of guilt. I am not sure if my guilt is warranted, or if I am just falling into a lifestyle pattern. Before the trip I didn't realize how often I feel guilt. So that is another thing I am processing. I hope my journey backwards will help me work through some of these things.
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